Aw Valentine’s Day– a day where millions of Americans literally try to eat their hearts out, when roadside vendors inspire guilt-induced purchases from sad-sack men and people over the age of six still text “Happy Valentime’s Day!”
If you’re still stickin to your resolution guns, single, or just looking to supplement the three dollar box of chocolates your significant other got you with something that doesn’t make you look like Cupid in a bikini here are some ideas for gifts to give yourself:
- A professional massage (as opposed to a courtesy, two minute job from a man laden with expectation)
- Cards Against Humanity, a board game that will turn your evening from cheesy to fun-filled in less time than it takes to get the chalky, saccharine taste of conversation hearts out of your mouth.
- A tablet of Mad Libs, which are still as awesome as you remember. Group text a bunch of friends and ask them each for nouns, verbs and adjectives then send out a photo of the finished product.
- A two-month membership to People Of Walmart Gift Baskets, where you can get such staples as skin tags, hair nets and cheese-flavored Pez for the low price of $9.97 per month.
Happy V-Day, Suckas!