Garcinia Cambogia Burps Are Worse Than Rob Riggle Ruining Football Broadcasts and Random TV Shows

If you give a mouse garcinia cambogia capsules on an empty stomach he’s going to taste their disgusting herbal-ness every time he burps and threaten to call a bunch of friends to infest your walls if you don’t then give him a cookie to settle his stomach.

I’ve heard a lot about what GC is supposed to do and have googled “does garcinia cambogia work?” more than once but keeping it real, I’m not sure if it does anything but taste pretty bad just yet. Still my best friend swears by it and so I’m taking it faithfully. If I start shrinking at a pace incongruous with my diet/exercise effort I will definitely let y’all know.

Yesterday I mentioned that I am trying some new things and that I would update you guys on what’s going on. I’mma go all Sophia from Golden Girls for a second (RIP Estelle Getty). Picture it, Turlock, Ca, 1984. A four year old me meets a girl named Erin Riley, one part of a set of twins who would be among the more athletic and authentic people I’d ever come across. When you go to Catholic school, typically your class sizes are smaller which means you get to know everyone really well. Another byproduct of small classes is that in order to have sports teams, pretty much everyone interested has to make the team unless you want to letter in forfeiting due to not having enough players. This meant that in third grade through high school I had a lot of people on my sports teams for whom “warming up” meant raising the temperature of the bench with their ass. Not so for Erin who was genuinely talented in every sport she played. Still, more impressive than her talent was her grit. This was a girl who did not give up, who played hurt, who would have earned a fist bump from Rocky Balboa for her heart.


Okay back to present day. I have had a lot of diet and fitness partners over the years, ranging from people who say, “hey, let’s do this 10k together!!” and never train a day after you’ve registered and trained and booked hotels and yeah, grrrr to people who mean well in the beginning of a diet but stop showing up at Weight Watchers meetings they said they’d meet you at or returning your calls when they’re off the wagon. So I wasn’t necessarily sure my idea was a good one when I texted Erin last week to see if she was interested in being weight loss buddies. To my surprise and delight, not only did she accept the challenge but she had a lot of ideas that really affirmed my choice. She said that we should start texting pictures of our meals to each other, the rule being that we wouldn’t judge but we would be accountable and that we should think about doing the Insanity workout or using a running app that she had heard good things about. Guys, it is going really well. I know I can send her a picture of my lunch salad or tell her I skipped breakfast or that I really want a chili dog and she will send back a few appropriate and encouraging words like “hey, it’s not good to skip breakfast” or “that looks really good” or “let’s enter a chili dog eating contest together.” Okay I made up that last one.

The other thing we are doing concurrently with my aforementioned best friend of the Garcinia Cambogia fandom is reading The Secret. This is a book that I have heard a lot about because I both live on earth and because I used to interview realtors for trade magazine articles. But it’s not something I ever read because it seemed like something for people who want to just wish and not take action and I have always been someone who takes action. I’m learning that I was wrong. That the action of changing your negative thoughts to positive can be harder some days than doing better than even the worst guy in the back row of the Billy Blanks Tae Bo videos. We are reading it slowly so that we can really absorb the teaching and a lot of it is resonating with me. I will keep you posted on it as well as everything else I have going on.

In closing I would just like to say that I am super surprised nobody has named their baby Garcinia yet and that it just might take the cake over Neveah for the most obnoxious name yet.


About amber111780

I'm a writer-turned-business owner looking to quell my literary urges while drumming up motivation for my fitness goals by writing about them every chance I get. Every chance that I'm not working, gulping diet soda by the liter, working out, and eating my weight in Sour Patch Kids.
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