Move B*^ch, Get Out the Way or Five Ways to Turn Moving Week Around

There are way more stressful things than moving of course. But most of those things are unplanned like if your spouse dies or you get sent to the pen or if you get canned for reading blogs all day at work. This week I am preparing for D-Day when I move all the thousands of unnecessary items I’ve accumulated from one place to another place 100 miles away.

Whenever I start getting too nervous or stressed about the change and the physical pain and dreading that feeling I haven’t had since my college days of waking up in a room with no idea where I am I refocus my energy on things that make me happy. Here is a partial list:

1. Fountain drinks. Y’all can keep your pumpkin coffees and I will keep my tall, icy diet pepsi. Bonus points for crushed ice, which is absurdly hard to find. Doesn’t everyone love it as much as I do? The only improvement on a fountain drink were the Lemonade Slurpees 7-11 had for a hot minute this summer. As soon as September hit, they slammed the door on those bad boys. Oh and they’re totally healthy you guys because real fruit juice.


2. Dating Naked, which I just discovered and which is sooo entertaining. These people go out into the jungles of Panama, drop trou (an expression which I have heard many times but never tried to spell before now) and go through the awkward hell that is all first dates. These two were the best of all:

Joe and Wee Wee, proof that if you have a rad personality you can have the worst nickname ever and no one will care.

Joe and Wee Wee, proof that if you have a rad personality you can have the worst nickname ever and no one will care.

Side note: The theme “song” to this show is horrible. It goes “when I met you I saw everything- I know you now.” No. Just….no.

3. This book about two friends that switch lives. I don’t think anyone could get tired of the Freaky Friday plot or at least I have not yet.


4. Thinking about all of the new and interesting ways a person could ensure Bella from Utopia meets her demise via face-eating acid.


She could trip into a vat of it, she could have it fall onto her like slime on You Can’t Do That on Television, she could ram into a truck carting it like Biff in Back to the Future, who is the best character in those movies hands down.


5. Reading all the awesome, encouraging comments on this blog. It’s that feeling like when I was young and I’d get a letter in the mail and even the ones that were just some friend listing all the rad things they got for Christmas or all the vacations they took that summer while I was marinating in a plastic kiddie pool were a win. Because seeing that people read your blog in the stats and actually getting props from them are two different things. Thank you guys, even those of  you that never have and never will comment.


About amber111780

I'm a writer-turned-business owner looking to quell my literary urges while drumming up motivation for my fitness goals by writing about them every chance I get. Every chance that I'm not working, gulping diet soda by the liter, working out, and eating my weight in Sour Patch Kids.
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