Did you know that it takes an average of two months to move, unpack all of your belongings into places you think make sense and immediately forget, start to feel settled and write a new blog post? Sounds about right to me anyway!
This time of year sucks for weight loss the same way Black History Month sucked for Michael Jackson every year as he cowered in his closet in shame, stroking Macaulay Culkin’s inner thigh.
It is a battle to just maintain status quo as coworkers and neighbors and loved ones foist their baked offerings on you. Cookies, cakes, brownies, candy- it’s all there. In fact the only treat you will never get is a piece of See’s Candy in a shared box that doesn’t suck. Those things are more rife with whammys than the last round of Press Your Luck.
As if the moving weren’t enough I just started a new job with a commute and working out after work seems more farfetched than one of the Teen Mom chicks enjoying a healthy relationship.
What I am exercising is moderation. Instead of fourteen glasses of egg nog, I have
one three. Instead of declaring martial law on the buffet at the upscale brunch venue, I’m ordering off the menu instead. Y’all, I’m practically withering away through all my good choices.
My plan is to maintain long enough that someone invents a pill that will help me lose all of the weight I want or one that will poison me in my sleep but taste like a lemon jolly rancher going down. If you are managing to lose weight during this most jelly jolly of seasons, share your secrets. If not, hang in there.
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